I want to know you better…

Wrote this a while back... thought I'd paste it in here... September 2009

An uncle recently commented that at around the age of 45, you suddenly start to strengthen social ties. You suddenly realize the value of family members, both close and distant as well as friends for whom you had no time earlier. Unexplained and unexpected, you want to enrich your life with relationships you would not have bothered with a decade earlier. Filling up a void? I wondered… and why 45? Onset of old age? Brains and heart going a little soft? Careers conquests made and the need for a new distraction? I mulled over it and then of course, I let it slide off my mind...

But like all wise words, his words did revisit me. Though I’m over a decade shy of 45, it took modern communication technology to make me ponder over his words.

Having finally succumbed to the facebook rage, I managed to create a profile and waited for millions of long-lost friends to start contacting me. My profile is as dry and unloved as they come – no pictures, no essay letting the world know how wonderful I am, no humorous lines to let old acquaintances see that I still have my charm (ahem). But surprises galore, it still got a few bites. Old friends, friends I see every day, folks I simply cannot remember all flocked to my dull and dry page, perhaps out of sheer sympathy, curiosity or an anticipation of improvement.  

And then it began to happen – I was peering into lives of folks I had had little or no contact in years, wanting to know them better, wanting to reach out…

An old classmate “wrote on my wall”. I was delighted. I wanted to know everything about her – what she had been up to since high school, where she lived, what she did, who she married, how many kids she had and how often they got ear infections! But wait a minute… I suddenly asked myself; did I even know her in high school? How often had I interacted with her? Sure I knew who she used to hang out with (at least I think so), and vaguely remembered the hairstyle she had then… but that seemed to be all. Oh what a hollow shallow person I am, I thought with a sinking feeling. Here I want to know if her kids get frequent ear infections, and yet I am clueless of our interactions in high school which forms the premise of our current interaction.

But I was determined. I am not a shallow person. I am sure there was something that connected us deeply in high school – a small little event, or a project, or maybe some common friends… I racked my brains in vain (and I pride myself on my memory of events and people from my past). No, I finally resigned – this person was a stranger to me in high school. Just someone I grinned at (hopefully) and exchanged a word or two in passing. Guess I had no time for any interaction with her then.

Bitterly disappointed with myself, I wondered why I was so keen to start a relationship with her now. Was it simply because she represented a carefree part of my life? Or was it to make up for an opportunity missed in knowing her?  Or was it because I was no longer as self-involved and the “cool” factor was long forgotten?

No amount of self questioning seemed to draw out an answer - or at least one I wanted to hear… I then remembered a friend quoting recent research stating that women who have more meaningful relationships are way happier. Aha… maybe this was my quest towards eternal and everlasting happiness.

I mulled it over some more… I agree that scenes of my happiest memories always have people in them. It’s never the awards that even come to mind…

So I really don’t need a research study to understand how meaningful relationships have made my life meaningful.  Ironically, keeping that in mind may be the difficult part. It’s so easy to get caught up in the banalities of the daily routine that I forget to enrich my life with social interactions. Forget to make time for the meaningful relationship I appreciated minutes ago… The times when a friend has handed me the Kleenex and kept them coming, or the times a simple hug has made my day all sunny…  Is this all leading to a Hallmark moment, you wonder? Rest assured, I’ll steer clear of the mush.  I’m just glad that I know how important my social ties are… and I’m pretty darn glad I didn’t wait till 45…